My Twisted & Wicked life

Sabi nila “when it rains, it pours”. Kakainis pag inabutan ka ng malas sa isang araw, you’ll end up irritable the whole day, and I hate it!Early morning kanina I had to go to the office… unfortunately I woke up late… as in 10am… Isang mabilisang shower, dress up and Wooosh!!!!!!  patakbong lumabas and hailed a tricycle  going sa terminal ng FX going MRT (North Ave. ) Pag dating sa  terminal ng FX… Oooopps!! Wala akong barya… P500.00… that was the smallest I had.. So it took the tricycle driver a gazillion minutes para sa sukli ko…Pag dating ng FX akala ko ok na… hindi pa din pala. Sa kasamaang palad sira ang Air-con ng FX na sinakyan ko… The bitch in me was trying to escape Me : Manong walang air-con dito sa likod… sira ho ba?Driver : Deadma…Me : manong paki-tabi po…wala kayong air-con bababa ho ako lilipat sa iba, akin na po ulit yung bayad ko…Driver : Deadma pa din… Umuusok na ilong ko sa galit at bumubula na kilikili ko sa init!!!! Punyeta!!! I was starting to get the feeling that this day Isn’t gonna be my day…Dumiretso ang mamang driver… hindi na ko pwedeng bumaba.. nasa NLEX na kami… Sheeeeettttttttt!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Humirit ulit ako Me : Manong wag ho kayo magbingi-bingihan!! Napaka init ho sa FX nyo sira ho ang air-con nyo!!Driver : Pumutok ho yata yung fuse kaya walang air-con…Me :Eh ganun ho naman pala eh bakit ho kayo bumabyahe ng sira air-con nyo? tapos ang singil ninyo sa pasahe ganun pa din…Driver : Eh kanina hindi pa yan sira eh…Me : (ang loko sumasagot at nangagatwiran pa) Manong sa Terminal pa lang sinsabi ko na sa inyo na sira ang air-con nyo at nagpapa-baba ako,Pero nagbibingi-bingihan kayo!!! Since wala na akong choice, nagtiis na lang ako sa init habang walang tigil ang pag-talak ko… Pag dating sa MRT…. Uuuuyyy!!! Ang saya…malamig…Maluwag.. nakaupo ako.. When we reached Quezon Ave station, a couple of girls… siguro nasa late twenties na… Tumayo sa harap ko…yung isang girl nag-start tumalak at magparinig “ Wala na talagang gentle man ngayon… wala ng nagpapa-upo sa mga ladies”  And she continued with stories of her lola kesyo ang mga girls daw ay ginagalang chenelyn… chenely.. It got me so irritated… the bitch inside me agin ay nagpupumiglas para makawala. As usual, the evil in me prevailed.. and uttered “shut up!!! You’re cracking voice is irritating my ears!!!” walang nagawa ang mga hitad kundi ang lumipat at humanap ng ibang mabubwisit.. Pasalamat sya at mabait pa ko nun.. kung hindi sasabihin ko talaga in her face na pangit sya at walang lalaki na magpapagod para sa kanya!!! Ayun na nga!! Kakabwisit talaga!!! I’m so praying hard para matapos na ‘tong araw na ‘to!   

Taena!!! This is it na… bagong promote… bagong office… bagong mga tao. Medyo kinakabahan ako, this is the big break I was waiting for but this can make or break my career in the corporate world… although I don’t worry too much kasi I can venture into teaching anytime I want… Imagine, I was given the power to decide and run a very important department in the company…One wrong decision and one wrong move and pupulutin ako sa kangkungan!!!! Whaaaaa!!!! Parang gusto ko tumakbo pabalik… Ganito pala yung feeling na alam mo maraming umaasa sa ‘yo and that expectations are very high sa sobrang taas ng expectations nasusuka ako at nalulula…. This really makes me think kung tama ba that I accepted this offer? Hindi kaya masyado na complicated  ang buhay ko and dagdagan ko pa ng malaking responsibilidad? Hindi kaya masyado pa kong bata to take such big responsibilities? Katulad nga ng sabi sakin ng daddy ko ” kayong mga kabataan ngayon, masyado kayong nagmamadali sa buhay… gusto nyo mabilis ang phase ng buhay, then in the end you’ll realize that there were lots of things in life na hindi nyo na-enjoy…”  Maybe my dad is right.. I don’t know.. pero andito na ‘to.. wala ng urungan.. kakayanin ko ‘to.

finally, my much awaited promotion is now coming to a reality. My boss called me to his office this morning and informed me that he is entrusting me the management of a  small department in our office… I am so happy that I am being given greater responsibilities, but another part of me is scared…maybe because I am expecting too much from myself and that if someone from the team I’m going to handle will not succeed, i’ll blame myself for it… i know I have been such a bitch and a pain in alot of my officemates’ ass but it has always been my way of pushing them not to settle for mediocre. Tomorrow, my boss will announce my promotion and I have to prepare myself… becuase I know alot of people in the office doesn’t like me… This is what’s been plaguing a company where workforce is composed of old people… they do not welcome or allow new breed of talents to go up the ladder because they still stick to the rules on “seniority”.  They settle for mediocrity… what’s important to them is the security of their tenure, the benfits they are recieving and are so not committed to giving back to the company. Don’t get me wrong, i am not pro management, infact I have always been at the forefront of the battle for strict implementation of the labor laws (which has always been violated).But what saddens me is how newbies (neophytes, new breeds, young professionals) are being treated in this kind of organization. People in this kind of organization look down on new graduates, they do not give new breeds of talents (I always call myself a new breed of talent)the chance to utilize their outmost potential becuase old employees think that these people are not as good as them.. How many “new breeds” have I seen in this company, who for what i think has the potential of making it big if just given the right opportunities, left the company because they felt they do not belong… How many times have I been put down in this company? How many people have bullied me and have made me feel like stupid? How many times have I been left out of parties? How many times these old people made my  work life so miserable by giving me too much task/ job? I can no longer remember  how many times…. perhaps a hundred or a thousand… but one thing is for sure, I never allowed them to succeed!! i never faltered and gave in to what they want… I was strong enough to make their working life miserable by being mean and bitchy to them… Yes, I have been bitching around the office… I have been mean to them…very mean. And since they hate me… they feel i am their greatest competition… they compete with me. Competing with me means they have to beat high performance, which they did.  I’m happy they competed with me because service level increased and productivity increased. I may be a bitch… but I’m one hell of a good bitch!!!

It has been awhile na hindi ako nakapag update ng blog ko… I was mending a broken heart… When I learned that my ex BF is living with his current partner I got hurt… Got really hurt… Si Ivan was my BF for almost 5 years. We went through a lot pero kahit ganun we still managed to keep the relationship alive… When Ivan left, I had a hard time coping up… sabi ng mga friends ko, life goes on pero Ivan was my life. For months I pretended I was ok… mahirap mag pretend but I don’t have any choice. I need to make everybody feel I’m ok and that everything in me is sunny and fine. I am strong…akala ko I’m strong. ..hindi pala. I cried hanggang sa wala na akong maiyak. Questions regarding our break up has been plaguing me.Ang dami kong tanong sa isip but was left hanging and I guess will just be left unanswered…I talked to Ivan and he said one thing that really strucked or should I say confused  me… he said ” Whatever it is that happened to us.. our relationship… one thing is for sure…the love I gave and had for you was true” What the hell does that mean? If he trully loved me, bakit nya ko iniwan?

Ganun kahirap ang life ko nung high school. I only have myself and a couple of friends na nakakaintindi ng pinag dadaanan ko… mga friends na inaccept ako for who I am… unlike those hypocrites na gusto ka lang dahil matalino ka or gwapo ka…damn those people!!! they deserve to die!!!  I remember one time, nahuli ako ng school guard na nagyo-yosi sa likod ng annex building…Dinala ko sa Principal’s office, and as usual they called my brother… I was not given punishment dahil sa brother ko… pag labas ng prinicpal’s office…may eksenang naganap…my brother got so mad kaya he shouted at me ” napaphiya ako dahil sa ‘yo”…. Syempre na hurt ako dun…I shouted back “Gusto ko nga yun eh…para maramdaman mo naman yung nararamdaman ko every time people would compare you to me…Gusto ko maramdaman mo that you’re life is not as perfect as you think kasi part ako ng life mo…I’m doing this so people would know that i exist… so they would see me as me and not someone who is so not very much like you.. Alam ba ng mga tao that I am the one doing your essays? your poems? your english projects? No they don’t kasi all they know is that you are perfect… that you can do anything and everything and you are invincible… well they are wrong”….that scene craeted a fuzz sa school..I know kasi biglang iba ang treatment sakin ng mga teachers ko… I never had regrets sa mga sinabi ko…For how many months hindi ko kinausap yung brother ko…not even a word…kahit ilang beses ako kausapin ng parents ko to talk, i did not..because I was hurt. Then one night, I was already lying in my bed, pinuntahan nya ko sa room ko sar beside my bed…he was crying… sabi nya(not exact words but somehting like this) ”nami-miss ko na yung kapatid ko…he is not talking to me, kasi nasaktan ko sya…sabi ko sa kanya I’ll take care of him pero ako pala yung nakasakit sa kanya and I’m really really sorry…hindi ko alam…di ko alam kung kelan babalik yung brother ko but I’ll wait for him sana patawarin nya ko kagad..I’m so sorry…” pero I must admit na miss ko na din brother ko…so before sya lumabas ng room I said “I’m sorry…wag mo na uulitin ha”… after that mas maging close kami sa isa’t-isa…We never kept secrets frome ach other..he even knew I had a big crush sa best friend nya kaya parati nya ini-invite na mag sleep over sa bahay..hehehe.Now that he’s married and we seldom see each other, we still find time to text or call each other to say hi or update sa mga bagay-bagay…

Yesterday was not my usual friday. Halos every friday, I go out with my friends…gimick and inom to death, yung tipong parang wala ng tomorrow..But this time, I went out sa office early…I wanted to be alone… I need to breath pero ayoko ding umuwi ng maaga, so I decided to watch a movie alone…I watched the movie “Invisible”. naka-relate ako sa movie, because once in my life I was invisble. I was able to write this already sa ibang blog sites ko…but I’ll write it again.

      Invisible ako nung high-school ako…that’s why I never really liked high-school…I was always behind the shadow ng super genius kong brother…we went to the same highschool. One year lang pagitan namin ng brother ko that’s why lahat ng naging teachers nyaeh naging teachers ko…bad trip di ba…My brother is very intelligent lalo na sa Math and Science…He’s the school’s math and science whizard which happen to be the subject I was not really very good…People always compare me with my brother…my teachers  would always ask me “are you sure you’re the brother of so and so” or “Bakit di ka magpa-tutor sa brother mo” or worst “Ikaw ang latak ng kapatid mo”…Its also has to be noted that my brother is really good looking. lahat yata ng girls nung high school kami may crush sa kanya..even my classmates. He’s always the center of attention… and my brother loved it, kahit di nya alam it was eating me up…ng buong-buo. Pag magkasabay kami maglakad parati sya ang nakikita…never akong nakita.Mahirap pala magkaron ng kapatid na sa kanya umiikot ang mundo ng mga tao…he deprived me of the attention I needed para maramdaman ko that I am alive… that i exist, pero hindi naman nya alam what’s going on with me…I remember nung first day ko sa high school..I was so scared but he was there to tell me that he will take care of me, he even told me “ako bahal sa yo”, but things changed when he became famous…hindi nya naramdaman that I am starting to feel so insecure and worthless because people made me feel that way and that his ibeing insensitive to what’s going on with me is adding up to it…But it made me a strong person. that made me become the person I am right now…Strong..independent…unafraid of anything……

Today, i feel like writing about my sex boo-boo’s and blunders!! Ito yung mga sex encounters ko with guys na may konting ka-weirdo-han, naive or just plain and simple stupids!!!

Boo-boo #1  Bagets – I met this young (but of legal age ) bolaret in a chatroom…My gosh!!! kakabugin nitong batang ito si Aga Muhlach.. This guy will certainly become the type na magpapaiyak ng bading…. either because you’ll choke sa gigantic NOTA nya or iyak ka sa sakit if he fucks you. When Bagets asked me to drop by his pad… hello!!! flylalou ang hitad from QC to Makati. pag-pasok ko pa lang ng bahay nya, walang kaabog-abog laflafan na! When He started fucking me oh boy! twas good! Until the Boo-boo came… while fucking me, he has this unstoppable urge to sing… singing while fucking???!!! Whaaaat!!! kamusta naman yun!? Imagine yourself being fucked by a guy while singing “i’ll be” by edwin mc cain tinganan ko lang kung tigasan ka!!! It was such a big turn off so we ended up sucking each other na lang… this way he can no longer sing… para di kumanta, pasakan ang bibig ng Nota.

Boo-Boo #2 HEAVEN – Heaven was just an ordinary looking guy, but had the hardest dick of all… sucking him was so hard, as if may subo-subo kang tubo or bakal. But that’s not the worst yet.. In our first and only sex encounter, while we were in our kasarapang pag-fuck sakin he kept uttering  stuff like “Ohh God!! God…oh my god…shit…oh god..gosh..fuck…god..” ampotah! tawagin daw ba si God habang nakikipag sex sa kapwa lalaki…geezzz!!! hindi talaga ko tinigasan…nakokonsensya ko… baka biglang mga appear si god.

Boo-boo # 3 – KABAYO - I met Kabayo sa isang bar sa makati..we ended up in a motel.He was so fucking hot I must say. Nung mag enter kami sa mot-mot, walang sabi sabing naghubo pinatuwad ako and started fucking me…It was so panful that i asked him to stop at hugutin muna… but he was like a maniac… after 7 or 8 thrust…Pufff!!!! That’s it… During that time i felt I was raped… Final statement ko sa kanya ” Di ka na makakaulit sakin”

Mga bwakanang ina niyang mga yan!!! I can’t imagine I wasted my precious time with those loosers!!!

Last night I received a call coming from my ex-bf Ivan. It was only last night that I learned  I’m still in love with him and that I am still hoping that we will still be together… fuck shet!!! mukhang di na yata yun mangyayari… Our conversation last night goes like this:

Ivan : Hello!!! kamusta? date tayo! Miss na kita eh…

Me : Ganun?!!! horny ka na naman noh? Sabi ko na nga ba katawan ko lang gusto mo eh…

Ivan : kasama na din yun noh…ano date tayo?

Me: Ok sige sa friday night pwede ako…

Ivan: Di pwede sa friday…uwi from cebu yung partner ko…

Me : e ano naman?

Ivan : kelangan nasa bahay akp pag balik nya…

Me: Are you already living together?

ivan: Uhmm…Yeah!!

Me: (teary eyed) ganun naman pala eh..why don’t you just ask your partner na mag-date kayo?…

Ivan: Eh miss na nga kita eh…

Me : ako din naman eh..di na ba kita pwede agawin dyan sa partner mo?

Ivan: Bakit kelangang agawin?….friends naman tayo ah…

Me: ganun ba? cge tulog na ako… I have an early meeting tomorrow.

Ivan: So kelan tayo lalabas?

Me: I’ll check my schedule first…bye…

The words “friends naman tayo” really hurt me alot!! Fuckinangina!!! He just made me realize na being a friend na lang ang papel ko sa buhay nya…Isa pang problem is that no matter how many times nya ko saktan… i still love him…gago kasi ako eh…

I am such a “blog whore”, this is in fact my third blog site and hopefully the last that i’m going to create. The first blog site I created was in Friendster.com, but i decided to stop updating the site unless i want to expose everything about me…all my bitchyness and wickedness…to the entire friendster community. the second blog site I created was in myjournal.ph but for some odd reasons I can no longer access it… and this one I hope to update everyday… This blogsite is all about my twisted and wicked life. I am no fiction writer and have no intentions of becoming one, that’s why everything you will read here are unadulterated and purely real life situations!!!! I Invite people to post their comments, suggestions, and violent reactions.